*warning, this post is full of satire, and yet, there's also plenty of priceless advice. go forth and start throwing out your sh*t...
KonMari Method Simplified and Modified for the Real World of Busy and Working Parents
Admit it. Your house is full of sh*t and you cringe at the mere thought of throwing any of it out. The only crap that you're okay with party with is the kind that you can flush away, excuse my crudeness.
The stuff you hoard, I mean store, hides under your bed, is crammed into your closets, lives inside an ottoman, and clutters up all your shelve (and drawers, lol). Some of it, you've forgotten about, but when you find it, a transient wave of nostalgia washes over you. You squeal aww, holding up a wrinkly "Congrats on your Engagement!" or "Happy Birthday, Old Fart!" card from a friend that you only keep in touch with through Facebook (or Instagram or whatever)! Jammed in a drawer of your coffee table are magazines (what are magazines, ask your kids) from the early 2000s collecting dust! (True story, my parents hoard TIME magazines and Reader's Digest!)
There's clutter all around you and sometimes you're blind to it, but something irks you about it. This annoyance builds gradually.
It may be your beloved crap; and once upon a time, you paid for it because you wanted it or thought you needed it. Or you made it. Or you were the one who snapped that photo. You subscribed for that magazine! But does any of that matter? It's crap now!
If ever you've felt that your home is not your zen haven, it's too cluttered and chaotic, and you get angry at yourself or your family for being hoarders, it's time to change your life. Magic really happens when you declutter, tidy-up, organize, and you start by throwing out your sh*t. You don't have to fork out $10.00 for Marie Kondo's book, the life changing magic of tidying up" to learn her KonMari Method (or her new book that's coming out, complete with pictures... oh come on, your first book should have had pictures!). I'm teaching it to you here, right here, for free!
Marie Kondo stresses the importance of keeping things (clothes, books, paper, junk, whatever) that "you love and sparks joy in your life."
With my MamaKat Method, I stress the importance of getting rid of all the crap in your home and/or office space, and here are ten steps that will guarantee to start bringing joy and zen to your chaotic life.
Top ten tips! MamaKat's Magical Method of Throwing Out Your Sh*t, Tidying your Life, and Living Magically like Unicorns ForeverMore
1. First and foremost, throw out your sh*t.
2. Stop buying new sh*t.
3. Stop buying new storage bins or installing new shelving or spaces for your sh*t. Get out of that Container Store now! Leave that basement of IKEA! You will just find more excuses for yourself not to throw sh*t out when you have space to store it!
4. Dont' accept sh*t from your loved ones, friends, coworkers, and/or neighbors. Re-gift anything you don't want (that's relatively new, please) when you can.
5. Toss out anything that is easily replaceable that you haven't touched for the past two years ASAP. This includes books, clothing, toys, gadgets, tools, etc... If it has little to no value, if of no use to you any longer, and has a layer of dust over it, it's time to go into the trash. Or donate it.
6. Stop hoarding sh*t and buying items in bulk, even when they're available for a huge discount.
7. Consider living in a smaller space. So many people I know who live in large houses store junk in their excessive space.
8. Never, ever, box things up. Chances are, you'll never unbox that crap.
9. Live like you're a Kardashian with an appetite for expensive sh*t. When you only want to buy expensive crap, you won't have a lot of it in your home because frankly, you just won't be able to keep up with those girls.
10. Digitize your sh*t. Go paperless in the home by scanning documents, then shredding them. Type notes with your smartphone. Read ebooks instead of paperbacks. Snap pictures with your phone, and don't develop them unless you really, really want to have an album to flip through. Ask for e-cards on for celebrations so that you don't have to feel guilty about throwing away greeting cards.